INSIDIOUS

 

On days like today and the past 3 days, this word 'insidious' surfaces in my thoughts again and again. INSIDIOUS PAIN.

I just read Merriam Webster's definition of the word and it suits nerve pain well--the chronic type that keeps you 'down in the dumps' and holds you down in pain quicksand. 

At its peaks, which are frequent throughout the 'bad days,' I unwittingly make a fist and the momentary thought of punching a hole in a wall from frustration struggles to become action. I suppress it. Been there and done that.

Insidious means something like a bad thing that is below the surface; it can't be observed, but it's negative and unwanted, and gradually, inexorably, gets worse & worse. That's my insidious nerve pain that lives at L-3 and L-4 bilaterally and has for 14 years or so. You know the deal. Doctor can't palpate it. You don't jump off the table when he presses on the spot like you would with an inflamed appendix.

But it lurks below, a coiled rattlesnake with a grudge against you, striking for a bite of you, then dropping back to watch you suffer with the damage. 

This is when the TENS unit electrodes get stuck on the area and the dial is turned up high. It doesn't relieve the pain; it only tries to distract you with a different buzzing sensation on the skin. 

After failing that, the 4% lidocaine lotion is rubbed in liberally. (Aspercreme). It doesn't do much, but perhaps a tiny placebo effect helps...

An ice pack or a hot pack over the electrodes next. 

I wrap that combo up with a velcro elastic lumbar support, and over that I cinch up the hard brace, you know the one they put on you after your surgery.

Damn it all!